Clinton steps down, offers warning

12:31 pm Uncategorized

After a long and sometimes bitter Democratic primary struggle, Senator Clinton conceded the race to her rival, frontrunner Barak Obama, Saturday morning.  Clinton cited the impending invasion of an army of monkey robots as her primary reason for stepping out of the race.  “The monkeys are coming, anyway.  I’ll leave that mess for Senator Obama,” she said during her concession speech.

During the forty-five minute speech, she endorsed Obama as the candidate most prepared to deal with the robo-simian threat.

Senator McCain, long rumored to be a monkey robot himself, denied the invasion.  “Even if this invasion were true, which it isn’t, I would be better than Obama at dealing with monkey robots for two reason. First, because I am very old and monkeys respect their elders.  And second, because I speak with the emotional zeal of a robot.”

Former president Bill Clinton said he has known about the invasion since the mid-90s, when he was briefed on the top secret information during an intelligence meeting.  Shortly after leaving office, he began construction of several secure fallout shelters where he and his family would be able to weather the attack.

Senator Clinton said she will be spending the next months and maybe years in the compound the Clintons refer to as NO.MUNC-E, or Northern Ohio Monkeyless UNderground Compound-E (compounds A thru D have already been overrun).

Bill Clinton described the compound as “exactly like the Bushes’ Crawford Ranch in Texas, only it’s under ground. And there aren’t any monkeys.”

Senator Clinton will retire to NO.MUNC-E where she intends to be President over a close circle of friends, advisors, and impassioned supporters.  She invited Obama to join her as her Vice President. 

2 Responses

  1. fringehead Says:

    I knew it! I knew they were coming!

  2. joey Says:

    I’m concerned that with Clinton conceding we might see an uprise in monkey alliances. Even with her support thrown at Obama I’m afraid I’ve already heard of people joining the side of the monkey.

    Sometimes I wonder if these cybernetic primates haven’t been pulling strings in this race the whole time.

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